Monday, February 27, 2012

Why I'd Rather Tweet About The Oscars Than Watch The Oscars

@ThisGuyIDon'tReallyEvenKnow: "Who doesn't love Meryl Streep?"
@BeccaGo: "The angry Viola Davis fans."
@Guy: "Racists."
@BeccaGo: "I didn't know you were Republican now."
@Guy: "I'm not. I just hate freedom."

C'mon, tell me that's not funnier than a single thing Billy Crystal said.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Zero Tolerance

Today I went to an open house at Park 51, otherwise known as "The ZOMG Muslin Terrist Amercan Taliban Ground Zero Mosque." Here's a brief summary of my experience:

They did not make me wear a head scarf. Out of the approx. 25–30 people there, only one woman was wearing a head scarf. (I thought it was two but the other one was a little old lady in an appliqued turban.) Only one man was wearing a kufi. (I had to look up that word, so you can, too.)

Next to the brochures about their spring classes and the mailing list sign-up sheet, there were flyers for The Anne Frank Museum, located across the street.

Of the approx. 25–30 people there, about 75% were white. Of that 75%, another 75% looked to be middle-aged or older.

The demonstrations for the two exercise classes offered at the center were capoeira (Afro-Brazilian) and karate (Okinawan).

I had a conversation with the woman wearing the head scarf about cookies, our nieces, and Dora the Explorer (Spanish).

Some of the radical words taught in the Beginner Arabic For Kids class are "turtle" and "baseball."

Didn't see a single prayer mat.

• And here's the view of the offensive, disrespectful facade that you can't even see from Ground Zero (I walked past the memorial; I checked):


I just checked, and I haven't been converted to Islam or trained to be a terrorist. I don't think I've been brainwashed to hate America.

That was a pre-existing condition.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

The Mother Load [sic]

Found all of these in a single chapter:

"Sensitive Leak Tests"

"Multiple Openings and Extruded Headers"

"Expanded Joints and Special Joints"

"Fabrication and Erection" ["9 inches, baby! I swear!"]

"Hardness Testing Acceptance Criteria"

"Bolting and Tapped Holes" [I always thought the guy bolted AFTER tapping the hole...]

"Hot Taps"