Baby Fat

I'm a pretty self-conscious person. (*cough*Asperger's*cough*)

In addition, any weight I gain goes straight to my belly, which sometimes makes me worry that I look pregnant. I try to camouflage it, but I still occasionally get offered a seat on the subway, particularly when I wear a certain top of mine that "has an empire-waist and floats away from the body" (Stacey from What Not To Wear LIES!!). It doesn't bother me too much — I'll do almost anything to get a seat on the subway, and I haven't reached the stage where anybody's asked me when I'm due yet — so I just kind of tolerate it.

However, as I was standing on the subway platform the other day, I noticed a man near me who looked way more pregnant than I do. Like, gut-hanging-over-the-waist-of-his-cargo-shorts "pregnant." Shoulders back, hands on his hips, almost like he was proud of it. It was not cute. And it did not inspire in me one of those "Right on, man! This is who I am whether you like it or not!" moments. I just kind of curled my lip in disgust.

Maybe this speaks to some deep-seated self-hatred of mine, but I think it's really just an aesthetic issue. And a splash of good old feminist rage. I mean, I make an effort to dress to flatter my non-standard body. Why does this guy just get to stand there showing off his expansive midsection with impunity? And why do I have to look at it? Why is it that women, who have a built-in alibi — pregnancy — for carrying extra tummy weight, are terrified and ashamed and insulted that someone might possibly assume they are "expecting," while guys don't even have such an excuse and don't seem to give a shit? Why am I — unwavering in my confidence that I have pretty eyes and cool hair, great legs, a really great ass, and a not-that-bad rack — fixated on disguising this one "imperfect" body part when I go out in public, while this guy is balding and wearing Tevas and doesn't seem to care? And why is he in my field of view?? I MUST ONLY LOOK AT PRETTY THINGS!!

After all, I may be fat, but you're ugly and I could lose weight.