Just Destroyin' 'Em!

Oh, those wild and crazy mechanical engineers, they're such a bunch of jokesters. An early morning e-mail exchange:

From: [name redacted]
To: All Staff
Subject: Atlanta office and staff OK
As you may know, tornados ravaged the South yesterday like Sherman marching to the Sea. The good news is the Atlanta staff, William and Kate, Charlie Sheen and The Donald all survived. Although we are all still a bit groggy from watching Mother Nature's targets on SuperDuperDoppler3000 well into the wee hours of the morning.*

* This a word-for-word, actual e-mail that the whole company, worldwide, actually received. Really. And yeah, he spelled "tornadoes" wrong, too.

From: Co-worker Mikey
To: BeccaGo
Subject: FW: Atlanta office and staff OK
Is this guy a failed comedian or something? This isn't the first time he's sent a "funny" message like this.

From: BeccaGo
To: Co-worker Mikey
I know. He tries way too hard. Seems kind of unprofessional/tactless for a natural disaster e-mail, no?

From: Co-worker Mikey
To: BeccaGo
Yeah, that was the other thing. It's like if he was head of the Japan office:
"Hey guys, it's been really 'wavy' here! Har har! Well, don't worry about us Japs 'cause, to quote 'Get Smart,' that tsunami 'missed us by thaaaat much!' So things may be gloomy here, but like Annie sang, 'The sun will come out tomorrow!'"

From: BeccaGo
To: Co-worker Mikey
"As for that 'nucular' (haha!) business, don't worry, be happy! None of us here are 'down with the sickness' of the radiation variety...yet. LOL!"

From: Co-worker Mikey
To: BeccaGo
"Yep, we're all one big, happy nuclear family around here now! Haha!"

I think today's exchange deserves a blog post.

From: BeccaGo
To: Co-worker Mikey
I was just thinking the same thing. Great minds yada yada...

From: Co-worker Mikey
To: BeccaGo
"Great minds make great bedfellows! Haha! J/K! LOL! LMAO! ROTFL, etc."

Post-Snowpocalyptic Park Slope

Monstrously Compelling Reasons To Be Grateful I Don't Own A House Or A Car:

Exhibit A:

This is the scene literally right outside my door.

Exhibit B:
These are not parked cars. They have been abandoned in the street.

Exhibit C:
This man is not a city worker. He's just a neighbor.

Exhibit D:
Don't even think about trying to use the side streets.

Exhibit E:
This kid is standing in the middle of an intersection.

Exhibit F:
Thistle Hill Tavern is open for business! If you can find the door!

These photos were all taken within a single one-block radius.

Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

Trilogy

PART I:
Sister: "Have you ever been to this site ThinkGeek.com? Oh my God, you would love it! They've got the best thing ever: a Tauntaun Sleeping Bag!"

PART II:

My Twitter commentary on The Empire Strikes Back.

PART III:
Brooklyn is Hoth.

COINCIDENCE??!?

But Wait — There's More!

More holiday cheeriness!

South Street Seaport Christmas Tree Blown Over By Heavy Winds!

On an added note, I'm so glad I chose today to straighten my hair and try out my new umbrella. I now look like I'm wearing a mangy poodle on my head.

WINDPOCALYPSE!!!

I'm Melting...

It is over 100 degrees in NYC today.

OVER.
100.
DEGREES.

This is completely unacceptable.

I think weather should play by schoolyard rules, like basketball, and stop once it hits 100. Can we vote on this somewhere?

The Faithful

Long Island was hit yesterday with MONSOONAGEDDON 2010!!!, during which power was lost, trees were uprooted, basements were flooded and substantial property damage was sustained (fence posts and aluminum siding in particular prove to make excellent projectiles). And yet, just proving my point that roller derby fans are some of the craziest people on Earth, the Long Island Roller Rebels' season opener against the Jersey Shore Roller Girls was still sold out. You go, grrrls!

Helter Shelter

You know how most people lay in provisions when they hear a giant storm is coming? Well, just to prove to all of you out there (by which I mean, all 6 of you who actually read my daily nonsense) that I march to the beat of a different (by which I mean, stupid) drum, allow me to elucidate for you the exact contents currently contained in my kitchen:

Refrigerator
half a loaf of whole wheat bread
salad dressing
one slice of leftover pizza
spinach artichoke hummus (unopened)
butter
half-empty jar of tomato sauce

Cupboards
half-empty box of cereal
about a third of a box of whole wheat spaghetti
one can of peas
parmesan cheese
olive oil (empty)
honey
half-eaten jar of peanut butter
oregano

Given the possibility of an impending weather emergency, I'm sure there's a way to make at least a weekend's worth of nutritious meals out of all that, no...?

Snow Day

This morning, I actually braved OMG SNOWPOCALYPSE!!! and forged my way to work because I have no vacation days left. Already. Yes, it's only February and I haven't even gone on a vacation yet. It's a long story...

So anyway, upon waking up, I call the office weather hotline, which clearly states that we are still open. Bastards. I call again — just in case — right before I leave: "Today is Friday, February 26th. The office is open for regular business hours." Bastards.

The cool part about going out in this ZOMG BLIZZARD!!! is that I get to wear my funky leopard-print snow boots. The not-so-cool part is that apparently no one in the vicinity knows how to properly utilize a snow shovel or operate a plow.

Amazingly, I don't break any bones or nails navigating the ice fields, though I do pull out a few impromptu crazy-slide dance moves. Also amazingly, the subways are running on or close to schedule, so I get to work at my regular time of 9:00.

And there is literally NO ONE on my floor.

My entire department: missing. Every surrounding cubicle: empty. My boss and my boss's boss: gone.

Maybe three people, max, wander in during the next 15 to 20 minutes. I figure, as long as I'm here, I might as well do something. Turn on my computer, open up my e-mail...

...and read a message from the executive director, sent at 8am, after I had already left the house, stating that we don't have to come in if the weather is bad.

God damn it.

About 15 minutes later, another message goes out, stating that the office will be closing at 10:30 due to inclement weather.

God damn it!

So, basically, I battled my way through SNOWMAGEDDON!!! HALP!!! for a whole lousy hour and a half.

...which I spent on Twitter.

Weekend Update!

So I decided to stay in last night due to the ZOMG BLIZZZZZARD!!!. It wasn't a very exciting evening, thus I ended up falling asleep around 11.

Only 45 minutes later, I'm suddenly awakened by a barrage of 5 text messages in rapid succession from my mom and my brother. I realize it's Saturday, but it's still kind of late for them to be sending me anything, and it makes me a little worried. Is everyone ok? Was there some sort of snow-related emergency?

I pick up the phone, wondering what could have happened, only to discover the true reason for this flurry of familial communication:

To excitedly alert me that the "What Up With That?" skit is on Saturday Night Live.

I love my family. :)