The Bitch Is Back.

So that last post wasn't a fluke; I've decided to restart the blog. For numerous reasons, but mainly because I'm an attention whore and it's cheaper than therapy. I'm going to try to post at least once a week, which is slightly less ambitious than my original goal of posting something ~EVERY SINGLE DAY!!~, so I might actually stick to it this time, but who knows — I'm unpredictable like that. It's what makes me fun!!

Anyway, I've experienced some pretty major life changes since last we spoke, so let the updating commence:

1. I don't live in Brooklyn anymore.

Surprising, I know, and it broke my heart to leave, but as a wise man once said, the rent is too damn high. I live in Washington Heights now, way up near the border of Inwood, or as some of us like to call it, Upstate Manhattan.

For real, y'all — my subway station is INSIDE A MOUNTAIN.

My place here costs almost $500 less a month than my old place in Park Slope. There's no exposed brick, but there's twice as much space and it's far more functional. I have a kitchen with cabinet doors on hinges that actually work, a freezer that defrosts itself, AND A DISHWASHER. It's in an elevator building with laundry in the basement, flowers bordering the front walkway, and an art deco entranceway. Did I mention the dishwasher? And I can paint the walls any crazy color I want, because oh yeah — I own this one.

Both of these spectacular items obtained courtesy of my awesome sister.

2. I no longer work for an engineering society.

Ironic, no, that now that I live in Manhattan I no longer work here? How I lost my job and gained this new one is a saga in itself, but suffice it to say I now work for an edtech company, in Brooklyn. And it is SO Brooklyn. Etsy headquarters are in the same office building, just a few floors down; West Elm is right across the street — the cobblestone street. We have a roof deck with ping pong tables and a killer view of the Manhattan Bridge:

There are beanbag chairs and exercise balls scattered amongst the cubicles and a designated quiet room filled with funky couches on which I frequently take naps during my lunch break. There's no dress code — I've worn jeans and sneakers every day since I've started; several of the guys in my department regularly roll in wearing flip-flops and shorts, like they're just stopping by on their way to the beach. There are free snacks and drinks. At my last job, "going downstairs for a snack" meant grabbing some Fritos from the vending machine. Here, it means visiting the "specialty mini-grocer" next door for some Garden Herb Triscuits and smoked salmon cream cheese. At my last job, my hours were 9:10 to 5:40 — not 9 to 5:30, but 9:10 to 5:40 — they were that specific and that strict about time. Here, my official hours are something like "anytime before 10 to sometime after 5, unless you're working from home, or whenever, really, as long as you let me know and the work gets done and it adds up to 40 hours at the end of the week." Did I mention the free snacks? As an added bonus, my boss is a fellow Star Wars nerd, and my debut assignment here consisted of copyediting a reading lesson for 4th-graders about Don Quixote at a puppet show with a monkey, so...so long porngineering.

I have very nice handwriting.

3. I got married.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Psych!!

The Mother Load [sic]

Found all of these in a single chapter:

"Sensitive Leak Tests"

"Multiple Openings and Extruded Headers"

"Expanded Joints and Special Joints"

"Fabrication and Erection" ["9 inches, baby! I swear!"]

"Hardness Testing Acceptance Criteria"

"Bolting and Tapped Holes" [I always thought the guy bolted AFTER tapping the hole...]

"Hot Taps"

Talk Technical To Me!

Bringing you up to date on how awesome my job is:

"...must encompass the complete length of the shaft when applied by hand."

"A plug shall not enter the hole when applied by hand without using excessive force."

"The hole shall be checked from both ends, if possible."

"The body heat of the inspector shall be considered."

"It shall not be possible to erect the gage in the hole without using excessive force."

"...the straightness of long shafts that have small diameters."


"Erection And Tensioning"

"(a) Size Control For Holes
(b) Size Control For Shafts"

"(a) Shaft Shape
(b) Shaft Orientation"

"Increased friction heat affects the energy required for pumping."

"(a) slack carrier erection
(b) tower mast erection"

"Open throat hooks shall be equipped with latches to bridge the throat opening."

"Total Monthly Flow" [ewww...]

"Minimum Thickness Of Fishplates" [I'm not sure if this one's really dirty, but I have a rather active imagination...]

"...the relative skew between the two towers." [not dirty, but C'MON!! LORD OF THE RINGS!!!]

"...operating within the creep regime." [This one reminded me of my last relationship...]

"Minimum Shaft Diameter"

"Diameter Of The Small Socket Hole"

"Head Values"

"Oil Buffer Strokes"

"plunger gripper"

"Allowable Gross Loads"

"Hole Orientation"

"...lazy guy thrust track."

Late-Cum-Er

Just found a new one:

"Typically Irregular Crotch Shapes"

Quickie!

A few more illustrations of the "intangible benefits" of my job:

"Personnel shall not ride the sling."

(a) Male Handle.
(b) Female Handle.

Section II: Guide To Selection Of Flow Measurement Methods

Putzmeister America

"The finish on nuts shall be the same type as that on the bolts they are mating with."

GENERAL NOTE: Always test with full tip insertion.

Maybe It's Time To Talk To Your Doctor...

The book I am working on right now is titled: "RAMCAP Plus."

Surprisingly, it is not a prospectus for a new erectile dysfunction medication.

Gold Mine!

I found all of these in a single book:

"Use try cocks if available."

"Leaking Tubes"

"...the straightway tapping of the Y or tee."

"Following a cold start, sweating may occur."

"float bowl"

"Inspection For Foreign Objects"

"Manholes And Other Openings"

"Use Of Flashlight For Internal Inspection."

"Check orifice before filling."

"mechanical stoker"

"torching"

"coke breeze"

"moisture loss"

"mudleg"

"nipple, push"

"Circulating Pump"

"Wet-Back Top, Oiled"

"Locomotive Firebox Boiler"

"Reset the firing cock."

"rotating hollow main shaft"

"rear bearing"

"Alternate Arrangement With Diaphragm Expansion"

"Venturi tube"

"Perform routine inspections to maintain desired level of cleanliness."

"blowoff, drain"

"connecting rod"

"log retention"

"blower"

"Drain the system in a manner and to a location that it can be discharged with safety."

"Position Of Hands On Combination Gage"

"lap joints"

"...creating a blowpipe effect."

"Backwashing may be done frequently."

"Flame Rod Type With Standing Pilot"

"Turn off the main gas cock..."

"...to hold material or other members rigidly in position."

"The valve will close tightly after popping."

"Bulging, Blistering, And Leaks"

"Optional Mounting"

"The ends of all nipples shall be reamed."

Copy Editors Do It With Style...Guides

I'm lazy today, so here's another installment of "Even At Work, My Mind Is Perpetually In The Gutter":

"Category 'C' Butt Joints"

"D-400: Typical Crack Types"

"NC-3324: Principal Dimensions of Heads"

"The Babcock & Wilcox Co."

"Fig. KD-350: Types of Joints Permitted"

"NB-3360: Joints of Unequal Thickness"

"NUM-II-8215: Butt-Welding Of Sections of Unequal Thickness"

"NUM-G-700: Three-Way Switches"

"This task includes the periodic sampling of gas to verify concentration of odorant by use of instrumentation or verification of presence of odor by sniff test."

"An appropriate representation of each member shall be used to describe all components that contribute significantly to the stiffness."

"The analysis procedure shall use the jib and hoist in as many different positions as necessary."

"Electroslag Flux" Should Totally Be A Superhero Name

I haven't done one of these in a while, so here's a "quickie"...

"Table QB-120: Test Positions for Lap, Butt, or Rabbit Joints"

"TW-130: Full Penetration Nozzle Attachments Requiring Special Techniques Including Multiple Exposures"

"Fig. TD-420: Some Acceptable Methods of Attaching Stiffening Rings"

"UB-33: Buttstraps"

"Table TD-660: Reinforcement of Multiple Openings"

"KM-230: Straightness Tolerance"

"NC-3225: Typical Flat Heads and Supported and Unsupported Tubesheets With Hubs" [For some reason, this makes me think of circumcision...]

"ND-3700: Electrical and Mechanical Penetration Assemblies"

"B-2: Typical Butt Joints"

"NC-2586: Examination of Studs and Nuts"

Lift And Thrust, Baby!

You know you love these:

"The gas may or may not be breathable."

"...the radius of gyration of the member."

"Part 3: Hydrogen Bakeout"

"Table 5: Heavy Thumb Screws"

"Table 6: Practical Screw Lengths"

"Fig. QW-1: Head Screws"

"SC IX: For a butt weld joining two members having different thicknesses at the weld, t is the thinner of these two thicknesses. If a full penetration weld includes a fillet weld, the thickness of the throat of the fillet shall be included in t."

"API RP 2201: Safe Hot Tapping Practices in the Petroleum Industry"

Screw It!

More on-the-job raunch!!! (I never tire of this stuff. I'm such a child.):

"NUM-III-7944.2 Rotating Shafts. Rotating shafts shall be supported by anti-friction, lubricated or self-lubricated bushings. All sliding surfaces shall be lubricated."

"These elements shall have stiffnesses that are an order of magnitude higher than the stiffest member."

"Provision shall be made to guard against load jamming."

"The valve shall be guarded to minimize the entrance of foreign objects."

"Describe all components that contribute significantly to the stiffness."

"(a) Full Penetration
(b) Partial Penetration"

"NB-4660: Electroslag Welds" ["Electroslag" would make a great band name...]

"(1) Shaft Bushings"

"Section 3: Fungus Protection"

"Fig. NB-3545-1: Model For Determining Secondary Stress In Valve Crotch Region"

"finger probe"

"body entrapment"

"submerged suction outlets"

"nozzles joined by full penetration butt welds"

And finally, not dirty but made me giggle:

"...grooving towards the center of the drum."

Pulp Friction

Another installment of unintentional filth found while editing mechanical engineering manuals:
[Special thanks to Angela and Mikey for their contributions.]

"Section 4-1: General Erection Requirements"

"B823: Hardness Control"

"A4: Bottom Soils"

"Part 2: Laying"

"8.6: Lubrication Failures"

"B16.25-2007: Buttwelding Ends"

"The ends shall be of sufficicent workmanship to allow for easy assembly with an appropriate mating nut."

"...when the taper encroaches on the crotch radius."

"...minimum elongation of the pull-tube riser..."

"Table HG-715: Size of Bottom Blowoff Piping, Valves, and Cocks"

"Texas Screw Products"

"National Erectors Association"

"Gaylord Industries"

"Federal Screw Works"

"welded joint: a union of two or more members"

"incident: unintentional release of gas"

Engineers Do It Until It Hertz

Unintentionally "dirty" language I've come across while editing mechanical engineering manuals:

"The model's geometry shall reflect the overall size, length, connectivity, and stiffness of the member."

"This method is sometimes referred to as 'dithering' or 'jittering.'"

"...when properly mounted..."

"...while handling a load..."

"...with a rotating head ultrasonic tool..."

"...requiring a drywall screw..."

"Fig. 3: Hoist With Double-Pump Action"

"Table 1.1-2: Deviation From Straightness In Bars"

"Section 8-4 Stress Relieving"

"variable rod-in-tube orifice: type of pressure inducer that uses a retractable tapered rod inside a reamed tube to provide a variable orifice for pressure reduction parallel with sample flow while allowing retraction for cleaning of crud bursts."

"6.6 Butt Welds and Transition Nipples"

"Studs shall extend completely through the nuts."