NY ♥ FAGS!

I was interviewd by a cute Asian boy (I'M NOT RACIST! SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE ASIAN!) outside Brooklyn City Hall this morning at the WBC protest. This is what was said:

Him: "That's a very interesting sign [GOD HATES THE G TRAIN]. What's the message you're trying to convery here?"
Me: "Just how ridiculous these guys are. If they can presume to know what God hates, why can't I? If I hate the the G train, then God must hate the G train."
Him: "Do you hate the G train?"
Me: "Yes."
Him: "Why do you hate it?"
Me: "It's never on time."
Him: "So are you religious?"
Me: "No."
Him: "Were you ever religious?"
Me: "Yes, I was raised Catholic."
Him: "Are you gay?"
Me: "Nope. I'm straight."
Him: "You know, a lot of straight people don't care enough to be doing something like this. What made you decide to come out here?"
Me: "Well, I have a lot of gay friends, but even if I didn't, I just think it's an important issue. It's like not letting black people sit in the front of the bus. If they want to get married, let them get married. What's the problem? It's not like any gay guys are trying to marry THEM. Oh, and I love art projects."

I ♥ NY. :)

GOD HATES PHELPS!

ATTENTION:

This Sunday, July 24, the Westboro Baptist Church will be in NYC to protest marriage equality.

And I will be there to protest them. >:)

SCHEDULE:
NYC Marriage Bureau in Manhattan: 7:30 AM - 9:00 AM
NYC Marriage Bureau in Brooklyn: 9:45 AM - 10:30 AM
NYC Marriage Bureau in the Bronx: 11:15 AM - 12:00 PM
Gracie Mansion: 4:30 PM - 5:30 PM

I'll be in Brooklyn and at Gracie Mansion. Feel free to join me. And if you need a sign, I will gladly make you one. :D

NY ♥ FAGS!

Interoffice Gender Confusion

I am really not enjoying my job right now, but sometimes some little thing comes along that makes me smile...

E-mail received by a female co-worker and forwarded to me under the subject line "See? I didn't make it up!":

"Hi dear! I am for a decent man.
As for me, I am a young Russian girl
Do you like Russian women?
They are not just beautiful and smart, but very tolerant too.
Russian women value family and try to be with their husbands as much as possible.
It's time to get to know each other!
See you on marriage agency. Cheerio!
Please, visit this site!"
[Ed. note: site blocked from work computer]

...and the latest from Awesome Engineering Guy, to a male co-worker, forwarded to me under the subject line "Thought this might be blog-worthy"*:

"They moved my crew to the 23rd. If you were coming out of the lady’s room (quickly) on that floor, make a right, walk, then make a left at the next aisle. My ghetto cubicle is the last one on your left.

If anyone catches you coming out of the lady’s room, don’t tell them you were looking for me.

...awkward."

* He knows me so well. :D

Hassling Hasselbeck

According to The Daily News, Elisabeth Hasselbeck believes that "a lot of older lesbians would have turned out straight...if they could only land a man."

Well, I believe that a lot of former Survivor contestants wouldn't have become hosts of 'The View'...if they could only land a Playboy pictorial.

I also believe that stupid opinions like this wouldn't even be aired or considered...if only dim-witted, ignorant bimbos weren't hosts of a fatuous, asinine talk show.

"I'm So Gay Proud Of Us!"

Today I almost ran the Front Runners 5-mile Pride Run in Central Park. Sadly, around the 2-mile mark my toe went totally (HA!) out-of-whack and I had to be transported to the finish line in the world's slowest ambulance. I'd rather not reflect on that. So let's focus on some interesting musical tidbits instead:

* Artist of the first song to pop up on my iPod as the race began: Lady GaGa (see this previous post to understand why this is significant)

* In the "Prime Example Of Irony" category, song playing during the first uphill stretch of the course: Jane's Addiction — "Coming Down The Mountain"

* Rounding out the "Prime Example Of Irony" category, song playing right around the time my toe died out: Nancy Sinatra — "These Boots Are Made For Walking"

* More GaGa: One of the raffle winners announced was named Alejandro. Everyone immediately started singing. :)

And despite the fact that I now need to have my toe X-rayed and may not be able to run again for a while, it was still totally (HA!) worth it because I totally (HA!) got to talk to Daniel Vosovic at the starting line and pretended I didn't know who he was, even though I recognized his tattoo and he was wearing ostrich feathers. ♥

Oversight

I just realized I never posted anything yesterday, which means I must have actually been working while I was at work. Go figure. To remedy this inadvertant laxity, I will now post some stupid shit I've done at other times when I should have been working:

SSSSSSEQUELS!
Snakes On A Crane: In this action-packed sequel to the blockbuster hit, deadly snakes attack a construction site.
Snakes On A Lane: A local bowling alley is terrorized by deadly snakes. The tagline: "This Summer...They Will STRIKE!"
Snakes On David Blaine: Wherein all the deadly snakes DISAPPEAR!
Snakes In The Rain: A charming musical featuring deadly snakes.
Snakes In Disdain: Deadly snakes terrorize the Brooklyn neighborhoods of Williamsburg and Greenpoint.

POSSIBLE FOLLOW-UPS TO KATY PERRY'S SMASH HIT SINGLE "I KISSED A GIRL (AND I LIKED IT)"
"I Downloaded That New Radiohead Album (And I Liked It)"
"I Leased A Toyota Camry (And I Liked It)"
"I Went Parasailing In Key West (And I Liked It)"
"My Mom Bought Me An Emerald Bracelet For My Birthday (And I Thought It Was Pretty)"
"I Saw The New Coen Brothers Movie (But I Found It Disappointing)"
"I Kissed Another Girl (And I Still Liked It [But Not As Much As The First One])"
"I Tried That New Sushi Place On 34th And Madison (It Wasn't Bad)"

I Left My Head And My Heart On The Dance Floor

Ok, help me out — how many movie references am I missing in the Lady GaGa "Telephone" video? So far I've got:

Chicago
Who's That Girl?
Kill Bill
Natural Born Killers
Thelma & Louise

...anyone?

On With The Show!

Theater people can be a little...dramatic.

A few years ago I did a community theater production of Anything Goes, where — literally — anything went. Everyone was hooking up — male and female, gay and straight, on-stage and off, publicly and privately, in singles and multiples. We made a coming-out parody of the song "Let's Step Out." We had a ball with "Blow, Gabriel, Blow!" We gave out an award at the cast party to "All Those Who Either Began The Show As, Or Became Over The Course Of Its Run, A Lesbian." But there were also more than a few hurt feelings and awkward moments. And at the center of it all, it seemed, was Julie.

Julie, Mary and I had been inseparable during the last show, when we had all been lowly chorus members, and the youngest ones in the cast by about 15 to 20 years. This time around, Mary and I were still ensemble players. Julie was playing Bonnie. Julie (besides being the prize for which a good portion of the cast seemed to be competing, à la a modern-day pansexual Helen of Troy) had also been spending more time with one of us than the other lately — at the diner after rehearsals, in the parking lot after the diner. This caused some tension.

One night, there was a minor confrontation in the wings. There were confessions and apologies. There were tears and hugs. There were attempts at hugs angrily pushed away. It was obvious to any passers-by what was going on, so most passers-by avoided our little triangle and averted their eyes.

Except for Dave.

Dave was a featured dancer, and, according to his bio in the program, had worked on a Disney cruise ship, which, if you have ever met Dave, was a hilarious thing to picture. Dave didn't hesitate to intrude on our pity party, draping an arm around Mary's shoulders and announcing, at first rather compassionately, "I'm so sorry, ladies," then, abruptly, rather petulantly, "but can we not fuck up 'The Heaven Hop' tonight?" before blithely waltzing away.

There was a brief stunned pause, then a burst of laughter, and we all realized we were being silly and kissed and made up and took our places for the next scene...

...knowing full well we'd do it all over again tomorrow night.