On With The Show!

Theater people can be a little...dramatic.

A few years ago I did a community theater production of Anything Goes, where — literally — anything went. Everyone was hooking up — male and female, gay and straight, on-stage and off, publicly and privately, in singles and multiples. We made a coming-out parody of the song "Let's Step Out." We had a ball with "Blow, Gabriel, Blow!" We gave out an award at the cast party to "All Those Who Either Began The Show As, Or Became Over The Course Of Its Run, A Lesbian." But there were also more than a few hurt feelings and awkward moments. And at the center of it all, it seemed, was Julie.

Julie, Mary and I had been inseparable during the last show, when we had all been lowly chorus members, and the youngest ones in the cast by about 15 to 20 years. This time around, Mary and I were still ensemble players. Julie was playing Bonnie. Julie (besides being the prize for which a good portion of the cast seemed to be competing, à la a modern-day pansexual Helen of Troy) had also been spending more time with one of us than the other lately — at the diner after rehearsals, in the parking lot after the diner. This caused some tension.

One night, there was a minor confrontation in the wings. There were confessions and apologies. There were tears and hugs. There were attempts at hugs angrily pushed away. It was obvious to any passers-by what was going on, so most passers-by avoided our little triangle and averted their eyes.

Except for Dave.

Dave was a featured dancer, and, according to his bio in the program, had worked on a Disney cruise ship, which, if you have ever met Dave, was a hilarious thing to picture. Dave didn't hesitate to intrude on our pity party, draping an arm around Mary's shoulders and announcing, at first rather compassionately, "I'm so sorry, ladies," then, abruptly, rather petulantly, "but can we not fuck up 'The Heaven Hop' tonight?" before blithely waltzing away.

There was a brief stunned pause, then a burst of laughter, and we all realized we were being silly and kissed and made up and took our places for the next scene...

...knowing full well we'd do it all over again tomorrow night.