Cleaning pig
Helper monkey
Party gorilla
Attack squirrel*
* All things I have actually heard of before.
"What are pets that would be FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!?"
Showing posts with label Hamsters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hamsters. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Things That Make Me Uncomfortable
The phrase "making love."
People who blow their nose really thoroughly in public.
Co-workers who insist on carrying on a conversation while you're in adjacent bathroom stalls.
Eating a banana in front of someone.
Subway missionaries — not the crazy ones who scream about burning in Hell (they're fun to toy with), but the ones who just stand there, silently holding up pamphlets and smiling beatifically.
When someone in my party asks the waitress a lot of questions before ordering.
Those toilet paper commercials with the cartoon bears.
Picturing Tiger Woods having sex with anyone.
When people sitting next to me on the train are reading books with titles like "Healing Through The Catholic Mass."
Turning down those kids who go door-to-door selling candy or magazine subscriptions to help them "get an education" or "stay off the streets."
When you ask someone where they were the other day and instead of just answering "I was sick," they explain in detail the consistency of the phlegm they were coughing up or their 24-hour bout of diarrhea.
The word "diarrhea."
Interacting with anyone in a position of authority.
Hamsters.
Funerals.
Dating.
People who blow their nose really thoroughly in public.
Co-workers who insist on carrying on a conversation while you're in adjacent bathroom stalls.
Eating a banana in front of someone.
Subway missionaries — not the crazy ones who scream about burning in Hell (they're fun to toy with), but the ones who just stand there, silently holding up pamphlets and smiling beatifically.
When someone in my party asks the waitress a lot of questions before ordering.
Those toilet paper commercials with the cartoon bears.
Picturing Tiger Woods having sex with anyone.
When people sitting next to me on the train are reading books with titles like "Healing Through The Catholic Mass."
Turning down those kids who go door-to-door selling candy or magazine subscriptions to help them "get an education" or "stay off the streets."
When you ask someone where they were the other day and instead of just answering "I was sick," they explain in detail the consistency of the phlegm they were coughing up or their 24-hour bout of diarrhea.
The word "diarrhea."
Interacting with anyone in a position of authority.
Hamsters.
Funerals.
Dating.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Possible Follow-Ups To The Hallmark Hall Of Fame Presentation "A Dog Named Christmas"
Just pitching some ideas:
A Ferret Named Arbor Day
A Parakeet Named Yom Kippur
A Hamster Named Ramadan
A Turtle Named Secretary's Day
A Rabbit Named Lincoln's Birthday
A Pot-Bellied Pig Named Grandma & Grandpa's Golden Wedding Anniversay
An Alpaca Named Boxing Day
A Pony Named Chinese New Year
A Goldfish Named Black History Month
A Ferret Named Arbor Day
A Parakeet Named Yom Kippur
A Hamster Named Ramadan
A Turtle Named Secretary's Day
A Rabbit Named Lincoln's Birthday
A Pot-Bellied Pig Named Grandma & Grandpa's Golden Wedding Anniversay
An Alpaca Named Boxing Day
A Pony Named Chinese New Year
A Goldfish Named Black History Month
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