Runner-Up Syndrome

Adam Lambert.

Mondo Guerra.

And now, Miss Arkansas, Alyse Eady.

I refuse to believe that this woman didn't win:

The new Miss America, Teresa Scanlan of Nebraska, is allegedly only 17 years old. I'm hoping for a Vanessa Williams-style scandal in which they discover she's really underage so the yodeling ventriloquist can assume the crown.

I mean, c'mon! She's a YODELING VENTRILOQUIST! How could you possibly find a talent more suitably representative of the overwhelming ridiculousness that is the Miss America pageant?

Plus, her evening gown was WAY fiercer.

And He's Cute, Too!

Selections from the Spring/Summer 2011 collection of my favorite Project Runway alum Daniel Vosovic that I must incorporate into to my wardrobe immediately:







Seriously, I am so covetous of that last jacket it's almost sinful.

Lighten Up, It's Just Fashion! Again!

Last Friday, as part of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week here in NYC, the cast of Project Runway Season 8 was appearing at the Piperlime pop-up store in Soho for Fashion's Night Out. And by incredible, heavenly, divine chance, I was there.

Some highlights:

The cast. I was standing directly behind this photographer as this picture was being taken. I yelled "Everyone say 'Make it work!'"

Conversing with A.J. Thouvenot via Twitter, prior to the event:
A.J. says...
I reply...
He writes back...
My response.
After discussing how I was sad that he didn't get to show at Fashion Week, and his reassurance that I will definitely be seeing more from him soon, we basically rehashed this conversation and I re-extended the invitation to him and April Johnston to come by and grab a beer or crash on my couch anytime. :)

Told Michael Costello that I heard he was telling everyone Ivy was the bitch of the show.

Told Michael Drummond I thought he should have won the Philip Treacy hat challenge.

Told Andy and Mondo that they far and away had the best hair of anyone in the room.

Told Casanova he wasn't getting fat. He starts laughing and says "No! You don't see me!" then almost knocks me over. I think he may have been indulging in a little more champagne than the rest of us...

Told Sarah that I thought the manner in which she was eliminated was unfair, and that I would have loved to see her show at Fashion Week. She told me, "Oh, if I had shown at Fashion Week, it woud have eaten your face."

Totally ignored Gretchen. :D

And to give you an idea of the atmosphere: Project Runway Gone Wild!

Immediately text messaged everyone I knew afterwards and burped up champagne the whole way home. 'Cause I am nothing if not a classy broad...

"I'm So Gay Proud Of Us!"

Today I almost ran the Front Runners 5-mile Pride Run in Central Park. Sadly, around the 2-mile mark my toe went totally (HA!) out-of-whack and I had to be transported to the finish line in the world's slowest ambulance. I'd rather not reflect on that. So let's focus on some interesting musical tidbits instead:

* Artist of the first song to pop up on my iPod as the race began: Lady GaGa (see this previous post to understand why this is significant)

* In the "Prime Example Of Irony" category, song playing during the first uphill stretch of the course: Jane's Addiction — "Coming Down The Mountain"

* Rounding out the "Prime Example Of Irony" category, song playing right around the time my toe died out: Nancy Sinatra — "These Boots Are Made For Walking"

* More GaGa: One of the raffle winners announced was named Alejandro. Everyone immediately started singing. :)

And despite the fact that I now need to have my toe X-rayed and may not be able to run again for a while, it was still totally (HA!) worth it because I totally (HA!) got to talk to Daniel Vosovic at the starting line and pretended I didn't know who he was, even though I recognized his tattoo and he was wearing ostrich feathers. ♥

Lighten Up, It's Just Fashion!

T minus 44 hours, 45 minutes to GLAM-STRAVAGANZA! A small taste of what's to come:

Totally appropriate style of dress for a 36-year-old to be seen in public, no...?

Intervention

Dear Lifetime Television Network:

Stop trying to make Models Of The Runway happen. It's not going to happen.

Sincerely,
BeccaGo

Here + Queer = Used To It

Theorem: All the hot guys are gay.

Let A = 'hot' and B = 'gay.'

Given: If A then B. [1]

[Note: ~ = 'not;' :: = 'therefore']

Problem: Using Survivor, Project Runway, and American Idol as examples, prove that while the contrapositive of the above statement, ~B = ~A (i.e., all the straight guys are busted) [2], is true, the converse statement, B = A (i.e., all gay guys are hot) [3], is false. Show your work.

Example 1: American Idol
1. Adam Lambert = A (hot) + B (gay) :: TRUE
2. Taylor Hicks = ~B (not gay) + ~A (not hot) :: TRUE
3. Clay Aiken = B (gay) + ~A (not hot) :: FALSE

Example 2: Project Runway
1. Daniel Vosovic = A + B :: TRUE
2. Jeffrey Sebelia = ~B + ~A :: TRUE
3. Chris March = B + ~A :: FALSE

Example 3: Survivor
1. Todd Herzog (China) = A + B :: TRUE
2. Rupert Boneham (Pearl Islands) = ~B + ~A :: TRUE
3. Richard Hatch (Borneo) = B + ~A :: FALSE

Bonus Example: The 'Liberals vs. Conservatives' Factor
1. Anderson Cooper = A + B :: TRUE
2. Rush Limbaugh = ~B + ~A :: TRUE
3. Ann Coulter = ~A + X (tranny) :: FALSE

THIS! Is Project Drunkway!

I was merely innocently inquiring after my sister's Halloween costume progress when this happened:

"I just stopped at Jo-Ann Fabrics last night so I got most of my stuff, yeah. It was way cheap there. It's going to take me forever though, to make it! Good thing I'm not on Project Runway, I'd be given the boot."

Hmm...

[cue fuzzy dream sequence effects]

"Courtney, while your design showed promise, you took on more than you could handle in the time frame of this challenge, and it shows in your poor execution. Michael said your garment looked like 'a disco Halloween costume bought at Jo-Ann Fabrics.' Frankly, what you gave us was disappointing, and a big sloppy mess. Courtney...[big dramatic pause]...you're out. Auf weidersehn."

"EFF you all!!! This show blows goats! I don't need you! I'll be famous on my own! You'll see! Suck it Korrrrrrrrs!!!"

Tim Gunn: "Courtney, I'm so sorry, but I have to send you upstairs to clean up your space. Please don't hurt me. We have security on standby and I'm not opposed to utilizing their services if neccesary."

"Tim, I loved you with all my heart, but now I see you're nothing but a dirty, filthy TRAITOR!!! Take your vocab and SHOVE it, Gunn!!!" [flails about the workspace, knocking over forms and tearing fabric]

Tim: "Well, I am incredulous of this utterly preposterous demonstration of vitriol. Bitch be trippin'!" [busts out some nunchucks] "Bring it, yo! I got your tulle right here!" [motions to crotch; pauses to adjust cuff link]

Meanwhile, back on the runway...

Kors: "Jesus Christ, what was that all about? And we thought Kenley was bad!"
Heidi: "I know! I was like, whoa, that was totally unexpected! She seemed pretty normal before, no?"
Nina: "That display. Was. Taste. Less."
Guest judge Lindsay Lohan: "Eh, I've seen worse." [passes out and falls backwards out of chair]

The next morning, in the workroom...

Carol Hannah: "Oh my gawd, y'all! Courtney destroyed the whole workroom when she left? And now everything's, like, ruined?"
Nicolas: "Strangely, my garment actually looks better."
Christopher: [cries, hands in Miss America/prayer position]
Gordana: "Vhy vould zhe dooo thees? Eet iss so oonfear. Een former Yugoslavia, zhe woot be vipped een veelage square for thees crime."
Logan: "..."
Irina, in interview: "Everyone's like, outraged over this whole thing, like all of their stuff wasn't crap to begin with. I mean, I'm obviously the only one here with a legitimate reason to be pissed. You know she just did it out of jealousy because she knows how much she sucks, compared to me."
Carol Hannah, in interview: "I'ma cut that bitch with a seam ripper. Irina, I mean."

At the next challenge...

Heidi: "Carol Hannah, you were the winner of the last chall—"
Kanye West, in a special guest appearance: "Yo, Heineken, I'ma let you finish, but Courtney's garment was the best EVER MADE! EVER MADE!"

Shameless Garnier product placement guy: "That man desperately needs a hair makeover..."

[roll credits]