How You Know You Live In Park Slope 6: The "F" is for "FREEDOM!"

TODAY'S F TRAIN FRANZEN TALLY*

Total number of passengers reading books: approx. 10
Number of passengers reading Jonathan Franzen's Freedom: 3
Number of passengers reading Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections: 2

GRAND TOTAL: 5/10 = approx. 50%

*Morning commute only

How You Know You Live In Park Slope 5: And Counting!

I like to play a little game every morning on my walk to the subway called: "Strollers Or Dogs: Which Will I See More Of?"

Today, Dogs beat Strollers by a respectable margin of 6 - 3.

However, the dark horse victory — coming in with an impressive final tally of 13 — goes to Bicycles.

Congratulations, Team Environmentally-Friendly-Alternate-Means-Of-Transportation!

NERD ALERT!

Yep, this is how I spend my weekends...

"EINSTEIN'S RIDDLE"
There are 5 houses on a street, each a different color. A man of a different nationality lives in each house. The 5 owners each drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigarettes, and own a certain kind of pet. No owner has the same pet, smokes the same brand of cigarettes, or drinks the same beverage.

GIVEN:
1. The British man lives in the red house.
2. The Swedish man has a dog for a pet.
3. The Danish man drinks tea.
4. The green house is to the left of the white house [NOTE: the reader's left].
5. The owner of the green house drinks coffee.
6. The man who smokes Pall Malls has a bird.
7. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhills.
8. The man who lives in the middle house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The man who smokes Blend lives next to the one who has a cat.
11. The man who owns the horse lives next to the one who smokes Dunhills.
12. The man who smokes Blue Master drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The man that smokes Blend has a neighbor that drinks water.

The question is: "Who has the fish?"

Your time starts...NOW!

You Can Add The Prefix "Glam" To Anything And Make It Sound Fabulous/Retarded

Yesterday I came up with this analogy:

Glamberts : GlamNation :: Neilists : DamnNation

"Neilists," like "nihilists" — get it??

...ok, here:

(from merriam-webster.com)
Nihilism:
1a: a viewpoint that traditional values and beliefs are unfounded and that existence is senseless and useless
1b: a doctrine that denies any objective ground of truth and especially of moral truths
2: a doctrine or belief that conditions in the social organization are so bad as to make destruction desirable for its own sake independent of any constructive program or possibility

If you've ever happened to read his blog, NegativeNeil, you will understand immediately why both of these monikers are so appropriate.

"We believe in nothing, Lambert. Nothing!"

God Damn America.

Thank you, Cleveland!

Lowest Common Denominator

Given:
T & B = brother and sister
S & L = sisters
S & J = dating
S & B = teammates

S & J invite T & B to a party, where T & B meet L.
S & J break up.
AS THIS IS HAPPENING:
S, L & T are hanging out at another party.
B & J are in her car ON THE WAY TO THE SAME PARTY.
T & L start dating.
B & J start "dating."
B & J split up.
T & L get married.
::
(SJ + T + B + L) + S/J = (S + L + T) + (B + J) = (TL + BJ) + B/J = TL

I like to call this "mathe-mismatch-ics."

Eagerly Awaited

Since I know you've all been waiting with bated breath, here are my picks for the 2010 NCAA Tournament:

SWEET 16
Midwest:
Kansas (1)
Mich. St. (5)
Georgetown (3)
Ohio St. (2)

West:
Syracuse (1)
Butler (5)
Xavier (6)
Kansas St. (2)

East:
Kentucky (1)
Wisconsin (4)
New Mexico (3)
W. Virginia (2)

South:
Duke (1)
Utah St. (12)
Baylor (3)
Villanova (2)

ELITE 8
Midwest:
Kansas (1)
Ohio St. (2)

West:
Syracuse (1)
Kansas St. (2)

East:
Kentucky (1)
New Mexico (3)

South:
Duke (1)
Baylor (3)

FINAL 4
Midwest:
Kansas (1)

West:
Syracuse (1)

East:
Kentucky (1)

South:
Baylor (3)

CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
Syracuse (1) vs. Kentucky (1)

WINNER:
SYRACUSE

Total points scored: 160

For Fellow Poker Aficianados: The Battle Of Wits Has Begun

Ok, riddle me this:

The game is No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em. Four players remain.

Player 1 is first to act, second in chips, goes all in with A-J off-suit.
Player 2 is short stack, also goes all in, with pocket Aces.
Player 3 is third in chips, also goes all in, with a pair of Queens.
Player 4 is chip leader, calls Player 1 with K-9 suited.

Flop comes out Q-J-10; rainbow — no flush opportunites. So now:

Player 1 has a pair of Jacks.
Player 2 still has a pair of Aces.
Player 3 has trip Queens.
Player 4 has the straight.

The turn is a 4 and there's a 6 on the river — no change.

Player 4 wins the hand and the game, knocking out all three remaining opponents.

Question: Who comes in second — the next-best hand (Player 3, with three of a kind), second in chips pre-flop (Player 1), or the last to call all-in (Player 3, by position)?

Answer: Who cares? Player 4, the one who cleared house, was me.

All In A Day's Work

Morning:
Office facilities announcement: "We will be testing the fire alarm system shortly. Please disregard any flashing lights or sirens."

I really wish the "flashing lights and sirens" were a giant disco ball and one of those "party alarms" you hear at clubs.

"Attention please: Give it up for the Facilities Department! The roof is on FIRE! Lemme hear ya say, 'Whoomp, there it is!'"

Afternoon:
My mom called the office to ask if I remembered the formula for determining the circumference of a circle.

And I did.

I am a MATH WARRIOR!

Superb Owl Sunday

Important Super Bowl XLIV Betting Information:

The over/under on the total length of Carrie Underwood's performance of the national anthem: 1 minute, 42 seconds

The favorite for first commercial following kick-off: Budweiser

The line on how many times announcers will mention Hurricane Katrina between kick-off and final whistle [must be full phrase]: 2.5

Odds that the first song played during The Who's halftime medley will be "Baba O'Reilly": 9/4

Spread on whether the sum total of Kim Kardashian's measurements (34-26-39 = 99) will be higher than her boyfriend Reggie Bush's total rushing and receiving yards: 38.5

The more you know...

Here + Queer = Used To It

Theorem: All the hot guys are gay.

Let A = 'hot' and B = 'gay.'

Given: If A then B. [1]

[Note: ~ = 'not;' :: = 'therefore']

Problem: Using Survivor, Project Runway, and American Idol as examples, prove that while the contrapositive of the above statement, ~B = ~A (i.e., all the straight guys are busted) [2], is true, the converse statement, B = A (i.e., all gay guys are hot) [3], is false. Show your work.

Example 1: American Idol
1. Adam Lambert = A (hot) + B (gay) :: TRUE
2. Taylor Hicks = ~B (not gay) + ~A (not hot) :: TRUE
3. Clay Aiken = B (gay) + ~A (not hot) :: FALSE

Example 2: Project Runway
1. Daniel Vosovic = A + B :: TRUE
2. Jeffrey Sebelia = ~B + ~A :: TRUE
3. Chris March = B + ~A :: FALSE

Example 3: Survivor
1. Todd Herzog (China) = A + B :: TRUE
2. Rupert Boneham (Pearl Islands) = ~B + ~A :: TRUE
3. Richard Hatch (Borneo) = B + ~A :: FALSE

Bonus Example: The 'Liberals vs. Conservatives' Factor
1. Anderson Cooper = A + B :: TRUE
2. Rush Limbaugh = ~B + ~A :: TRUE
3. Ann Coulter = ~A + X (tranny) :: FALSE

Put On Your (Tinfoil) Party Hats!

2010 is the year of the Tiger.
I was born in the year of the Tiger.
I have a tiger lily tattoo.
The Tiger is the third sign of the Chinese zodiac.
There are 12 signs in the Chinese zodiac.
12 x 3 = 36.
I turn 36 in 2010.
All of these numbers are divisible by 3.
3 x 3 = 9.
9 is my favorite number.
The number 3 is associated with the Goddess in Pagan religions.
The Goddess is associated with the Moon.
My first word was "moon."
I have a crescent moon tattoo.
It's silver and blue.
There's a full moon tonight.
And it's a Blue Moon.

Pretty neat, huh? :)