Stimulate This!

Courtesy of Dalia B. and some intrepid soul on the Interwebz:

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive an "Economic Stimulus" payment. This is a very exciting program and I'll explain why using a Q & A format:

Q: What is an "Economic Stimulus" payment?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q: Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.

Q: So the government is giving me back my own money?
A: Only a smidgen of it.

Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: To use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q: But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to spend your stimulus check wisely and best help the U.S. economy:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, it will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* If you spend it on gasoline, it will go to the Arabs.
* If you spend it on a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan, or China.
* If you spend it on fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
* If you spend it on an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you spend it on useless shit, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you use it to pay off your credit cards or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales
2) Going to ball games
3) Hiring prostitutes
4) Buying beer
5) Getting tattoos

...as these are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.

CONCLUSION:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help....