Tuesday, March 2, 2010

School Daze

I don't know why I just remembered this, but it made me burst out laughing at my desk and now my co-workers think I have Tourette's, so I figured I might as well share the memorable vignette with the Interwebz:

Once upon a time, in a place called "high school," I had a particularly obnoxious American history teacher who, in the manner of a true professional educator, would commonly use phrases like "S.O.L" and "retarded" during her lessons. This did not endear her to her students, the way trying to be "hip" might have for other teachers, because she was also a sanctimonious bitch.

Anyway, among this woman's many other annoying personality traits was an utter loathing of germs. She would actually interrupt the class to yell at us if — God forbid! — we sneezed into our hands at our desks: "That is disgusting and unsanitary! Why do you think I keep a box of tissues up here on my desk [this being the era before the emergence of omnipresent hand sanitizers]? Nobody else wants your diseases!"

So, one day a particularly ingenious classmate felt a sneeze coming on, leaped out of his chair, knocking all his books on the floor, made a mad dash for the tissue box...

...and ended up not making it in time and sneezing all over the wicked witch's desk.

I don't remember the rest of the story because after that part the whole class was in hysterics for a good portion of the remaining period.

And they all lived happily ever after. The End. :D

10 comments:

  1. nice story. I think we all have one of "those" teachers in our past. Who was your favorite teacher?

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  2. Yeah, we all had one of those...

    That may be Satan embodying different persons simultaneously!

    I think school is an Aztecs' invention, what were those Mexicans thinking!

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  3. And they all lived happily ever after...graduation! (maybe)

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  4. I loaded school myself, and now I send my kids to the same awful institution!

    WTF!

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  5. Sharon,
    It's ok. Load instead of loathe...
    Freudian lapsus :)

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  6. Dalia, it's your country. You tell me. :D

    I was a total music geek. Played in orchestra, sang in choir, did all the drama club shows. My choir director was cool -- he'd write us passes if we cut class to get lunch or take a nap backstage. Also had an English teacher who thought I should be a Rockette. He was pretty cool, too. :)

    And for some reason, I was REALLY good at math. Scored 100% on 3 finals in a row. On the fourth one, I got a 96. One wrong answer spoiled my streak.

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  7. "It's my country and I cry if I want to..."
    awful song!

    ha ha ha...

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  8. "Don't cry for me Argentina..."

    All those Central/South American countries are interchangeable, right? :D

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  9. Interchangeable, disposable, dispensable, maybe? LOL

    Argentina is like France.
    Both are hateful countries, both are hated by their neighbors, and for the same reason: French & Argentinian people usually think they are BIG SHIT.

    The rest of the "Latin-land" countries are pretty cool :)

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