School Daze

I don't know why I just remembered this, but it made me burst out laughing at my desk and now my co-workers think I have Tourette's, so I figured I might as well share the memorable vignette with the Interwebz:

Once upon a time, in a place called "high school," I had a particularly obnoxious American history teacher who, in the manner of a true professional educator, would commonly use phrases like "S.O.L" and "retarded" during her lessons. This did not endear her to her students, the way trying to be "hip" might have for other teachers, because she was also a sanctimonious bitch.

Anyway, among this woman's many other annoying personality traits was an utter loathing of germs. She would actually interrupt the class to yell at us if — God forbid! — we sneezed into our hands at our desks: "That is disgusting and unsanitary! Why do you think I keep a box of tissues up here on my desk [this being the era before the emergence of omnipresent hand sanitizers]? Nobody else wants your diseases!"

So, one day a particularly ingenious classmate felt a sneeze coming on, leaped out of his chair, knocking all his books on the floor, made a mad dash for the tissue box...

...and ended up not making it in time and sneezing all over the wicked witch's desk.

I don't remember the rest of the story because after that part the whole class was in hysterics for a good portion of the remaining period.

And they all lived happily ever after. The End. :D