Guy on the 6 train this morning is taking up two seats, slouching spread-eagle, as if he's preparing for a Pap smear.
I fucking hate that.
The 6 train gets crowded pretty quickly, so in order to conserve some space, I inquire, "Excuse me, can I sit there?"
Guy gives me a look like I just asked him to shine my shoes and shifts approximately 3 inches to the left.
Oh, that is it. And you think you're gonna stare me down, too? Not a chance, douchebag — you know I am sitting there now.
I make sure to "accidentally" hit him with my bag as I squeeze in, and to "accidentally" elbow him when the train hits a bump. And I "accidentally" step on his foot when I get up for my stop, too. "Oh, sorry!" I exaggeratedly apologize. "I didn't mean to invade your space."
Smirking, I make my escape, luckily lost in the crush of people pushing for the doors — I don't doubt this guy would hit a girl.
Don't mess with me in the morning, people.
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Wow! I'm impressed. I would have tried to make him laugh.
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY what I would've done. :) Too bad you didn't have HOT coffee you could "accidentally" spill on him, too...
ReplyDelete@Stolen: Ooh, didn't think of that. I don't drink coffee, tho. Maybe Hawaiian Punch -- I think that stains. :D
ReplyDelete@TCHC: You obviously haven't spent too much time in New York. No one laughs on the subway. Ever. :)
Peeling oranges is scandalous!
ReplyDeleteYou ned both hands, a series of compulsive movements, it splashes & stinks all around, awesome! :D
P.S. What a naive chicken we have here!!
But Dalia, oranges smell REALLY good. I love it when people are peeling oranges around me. Becca wants to punish the guy...
ReplyDeleteMILK. Milk is the answer. Accidentally spill some milk on him. If he's wearing anything dark, it'll stain. And if he can't wash it out right away (which he likely can't, as he's in the process of commuting), it WILL smell. Eventually anyway.
Yep, go with milk.
Strange, Chicken. You're not even from the south, so you can't blame your naivety on the presumption of southern hospitality. (But, I guess a presumption of a sense of humor is actually an entirely different animal...)
PS - Becca and Chicken - how much do you guys LOVE starting pages of conversation in your comments sections? I am SO jealous!
ReplyDeleteThe problem is Becca has to stay clean!
ReplyDeleteNo. We need another approach.
What about a major asthmatic coughing attack?
or taking off your shoes, and rubbing your toes?
No one laughs in NY on the subway? Sounds like a challenge for this sweet, naive chicken. Wait. You didn't say sweet.
ReplyDeleteHa! Love it- he deserved it. It's called PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION, buddy! You got to share!
ReplyDeletePap smear. AHAHAHAHAHAA!
ReplyDeleteI have "accidentally" spilled on rude people before, too. Like the time this chick in a bar in DC was making fun of my super-extra-tall friend, so I "tripped" and "dumped" my "beer" on her. She was completely soaked. I even tried to "help" her "clean up".
@Stolen: YES! MILK! We have a winner! :D
ReplyDelete@Dalia: Take my shoes off?? What the French, toast?
@TCHC: Someone once described the NY subways as "an extended, vertical elevator ride." It's always uncomfortable and silent. :)
@Kerry: That also works the other way around -- "accidentally" bumping into cute guys in bars to start a conversation. And LOL at "help" her to "clean up." :)
You just do it. Take off your shoes, and scratch your toes.
ReplyDeletePlease take a picture of the guy's face!
@Dalia: Yes, but WHY would I do that? I was only pissed at this one guy, I don't want to gross out the entire train. :P
ReplyDelete