Monday, March 8, 2010

Why I Don't Drink, or, How A Single Alcoholic Beverage Can Manage To Disrupt My Entire Existence

I believe I've mentioned before that I rarely drink, and that this is due to the fact that, for me, there is a very fine line between "happily buzzed" and "miserably vomiting," and that this line is usually crossed somewhere in the vicinity of a mere 2 or 3 alcoholic beverages. Yep, I'm that hard-core.

So last night I was at a bar and ordered my usual Coke to start off. However, as the evening wore on, I decided to attempt to be social and have a real drink. My go-to cocktails are Midori Sour and vodka & cranberry — Midori because it's bright green and tastes like Kool-Aid; vodka & cranberry because if you put in enough of the latter I can almost handle the taste of the alcohol without grimacing after every sip, and cranberry juice is supposed to be healthy or something, right? So this time I order a vodka & cranberry, and along with almost actually enjoying it, it adequately served its purpose of making me feel less awkward and alienated from the cool kids.

Then I went home, passed out with my contacts still in, my makeup still on, and my hair still smelling of cigarettes...

...and woke up late this morning to no hot water in my apartment.

Let me just tell you how smokin' hot and refreshed I look right now.

Don't give in to peer pressure, kids.

7 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHAHA. I'm the exact same way. Quit 5 years ago, because every really bad decision I'd ever made (besides going to law school - that was sober stupidity), and every time I'd thrown up for years, was the direct result of alcohol. As were the loss of several friends and potential boyfriends. And it would alway only take a few drinks to get to this point...

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  2. Yeah, I don't know what the hell happened. I drank like a motherfucker in college, and I'd still end up puking, but it took about 15 to 20 beers to get to that point. Now, I can't even stand the taste of beer and I get woozy after a few Mike's Hard Lemonades. It's ridiculous and somewhat crippling to my social life. Bad decisions, on the other hand, I make those all the time, no matter what my mental state. :)

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  3. Smoking-
    Do they still let you smoke in public places?
    Here we have Nazi rules concerning that! :-/

    Drinking-
    I never get drunk. I jump from normal mode directly to puke mode.
    Weird thing, cause I have the same problem with anesthesia. The doctors had to give me a horse's dose, and even then I woke up in the middle of the surgery! :-O

    Make up-
    I only clean my face in the morning... just to put fresh makeup. My husband doesn't need to be punished just because he's married. :D

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  4. No, I had to go outside to smoke, but my hair still absorbs the smell, lucky me.

    That anesthesia thing is one of my worst fears.

    And I practically never wear makeup, so my skin's not used to it. Bleh.

    Your husband should comment here, too, so I can watch you guys bicker. :D

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  5. If it's any consolation, that guy you met on the Subway still would think you look hot. Shoulda grabbed him when you had the chance.

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  6. @TCHC: If what you meant by "grab him" was "kick him in the nuts and run," then yes, I totally agree. :D

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  7. TCHC:
    'Zamboni' with that Mr. sexy is not an option! :D

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