Great Moments In Girlhood

I think I may have been a little "confused" during my elementary school days...

When I was 5, I requested an R2-D2-shaped cake for my birthday party. The bakery called my mom twice to confirm that they had been given the right name and that this cake was indeed for a girl.

I had more Matchbox cars than Barbie dolls.

At school during recess, when all the girls would chase the boys and try to kiss them, I was the bodyguard for the boys. Even they were terrified of me.

One of my classrooms was set up in groups, with 4 desks to a group and seats randomly assigned, but you could opt to switch groups or stay where you were at the beginning of every month. I'm pretty sure I shared a group with the same 3 guys for 4 months straight before the teacher split us up because it was "unfair" to the other kids.

In second grade, I had a reputation for shin-kicking and shoe-throwing. These were mainly defensive tactics used against those who dared ridicule me for liking hockey, in general, and the New York Rangers, in particular. Remember — this was Islander territory, at the height of their grand '80s dynasty. But my allegiance never wavered, and it didn't hurt that I was actually more knowledgable about the game than my male classmates. [Confidential to Danny K.: I'm sorry I hurt your feelings and your knee, but goalies can score, and it's still 3 PERIODS to a hockey game, not 3 "halves."]

In fact, the hockey thing still persists: Several years ago, after a big family dinner at my grandparents' house, while all the female relatives were in the kitchen chatting and doing dishes, I was in the living room watching the game with the guys. When a fight inevitably broke out on-screen, I jumped off the couch and yelled, "Yeah! Kick his ass!"

My dad turned to my uncle and said with pride, "That's my little girl!"