In honor of tonight's season premiere of Shear Genius on Bravo, here are some remarks I had previously made in response to Tom & Lorenzo's "Meet The Stylists!" post on Project RunGay:
JOEYOriginal bio:
Joey's affinity for luscious locks began at the age of 14, initially as a way to practice flirting with girls. But while sweeping hair at a family member's hairdressing business, he discovered his passion for hair went deeper. He soon left secondary school and took the plunge into professional hairdressing — which kept him both out of trouble and in with the ladies. Joey has since made a name for himself by directing hair for the Perth Fashion Festival, styling hair for "Precinct and Cream." He was recently honored as one of four finalists at this year's prestigious Hair Expo Australian Hairdresser of the Year Awards. Joey is currently the artistic director and part owner of Rokk Ebony salon and has won accolades at several cutting competitions including Hair Expo, Wella Trend Visions and Star Search Collections.
My value-added version:
Joey's affinity for luscious WOMEN began at the age of 14, initially as a way to practice flirting with GIRLS, BECAUSE HE IS STRAIGHT. But while sweeping hair at a family member's hairdressing business, AND NOT IN A SWISHY GAY WAY EITHER, he discovered his passion for WOMEN went deeper. He soon left secondary school and took the plunge into VAGINA and professional hairdressing — which kept him both out of GAY BARS and in with THE LADIES, BECAUSE HE IS STRAIGHT AND LOVES WOMEN. Joey has since made a name for himself by directing hair for the Perth Fashion Festival, styling hair for "Precinct and Cream," AND FUCKING WOMEN. He was recently honored as one of four finalists at this year's prestigious Hair Expo Australian Hairdresser of the Year Awards AND HIS DATE FOR THE EVENT WAS A SMOKIN' HOT BABE. Joey is currently the artistic director and part owner of Rokk Ebony salon and TOTALLY STRAIGHT. He has won accolades at several cutting competitions including Hair Expo, Wella Trend Visions and Star Search Collections AND HE IS A STRAIGHT MAN WHO LOVES THE LADIES.
Joey's affinity for luscious locks began at the age of 14, initially as a way to practice flirting with girls. But while sweeping hair at a family member's hairdressing business, he discovered his passion for hair went deeper. He soon left secondary school and took the plunge into professional hairdressing — which kept him both out of trouble and in with the ladies. Joey has since made a name for himself by directing hair for the Perth Fashion Festival, styling hair for "Precinct and Cream." He was recently honored as one of four finalists at this year's prestigious Hair Expo Australian Hairdresser of the Year Awards. Joey is currently the artistic director and part owner of Rokk Ebony salon and has won accolades at several cutting competitions including Hair Expo, Wella Trend Visions and Star Search Collections.
My value-added version:
Joey's affinity for luscious WOMEN began at the age of 14, initially as a way to practice flirting with GIRLS, BECAUSE HE IS STRAIGHT. But while sweeping hair at a family member's hairdressing business, AND NOT IN A SWISHY GAY WAY EITHER, he discovered his passion for WOMEN went deeper. He soon left secondary school and took the plunge into VAGINA and professional hairdressing — which kept him both out of GAY BARS and in with THE LADIES, BECAUSE HE IS STRAIGHT AND LOVES WOMEN. Joey has since made a name for himself by directing hair for the Perth Fashion Festival, styling hair for "Precinct and Cream," AND FUCKING WOMEN. He was recently honored as one of four finalists at this year's prestigious Hair Expo Australian Hairdresser of the Year Awards AND HIS DATE FOR THE EVENT WAS A SMOKIN' HOT BABE. Joey is currently the artistic director and part owner of Rokk Ebony salon and TOTALLY STRAIGHT. He has won accolades at several cutting competitions including Hair Expo, Wella Trend Visions and Star Search Collections AND HE IS A STRAIGHT MAN WHO LOVES THE LADIES.
BRIGOriginal bio:
Owner of P!ay Hair Lounge, Brig has worked in the beauty industry for 13 years. After moving salons six times and growing frustrated with a traditional salon model that seemed to leave the stylists and the clients unsatisfied, Brig decided to change the mold. She is known for providing honest opinions and helping her clients recreate a professional hairstyle at home. Brig stays current by attending monthly classes, including instruction at Bumble & Bumble University in New York. She also spends time behind the camera photographing models and helping promote the work of other P!ay stylists. Brig has been featured in Life & Style Magazine, and her work has been seen in Modern Salon, American Salon Magazine, and on the television series What Not to Wear.
My value-added version:
Owner of P!#%ay Hair Lounge, Brig has worked in the beauty industry for 13 years AND IS OUT OF HER GODDAMN MIND. After moving salons six times BECAUSE SHE SCARED HER CUSTOMERS' SMALL CHILDREN and growing frustrated with traditional PUNCTUATION that seemed to leave the stylists LEGALLY BLIND and the clients FRIGHTENED, Brig decided to change the mold INTO PENICILLIN. She is known for BEING BATSHIT INSANE, providing BIZARRE opinions and helping her clients recreate a professional CYNDI-LAUPER-IMPERSONATOR hairstyle at home. Brig stays current by attending monthly CULT MEETINGS, including instruction at THE OFF-BROADWAY SHOW AWESOME '80s PROM in New York. She also spends time behind the camera SMOKING CRACK and helping promote the work of other P!#%@^&ay stylists. Brig has been ASKED "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NAME IS 'BRIG' ANYWAY?", and her work has been seen in Modern Salon, American Salon Magazine, and HER WARDROBE HAS BEEN FEATURED on the television series What Not to Wear.
Owner of P!ay Hair Lounge, Brig has worked in the beauty industry for 13 years. After moving salons six times and growing frustrated with a traditional salon model that seemed to leave the stylists and the clients unsatisfied, Brig decided to change the mold. She is known for providing honest opinions and helping her clients recreate a professional hairstyle at home. Brig stays current by attending monthly classes, including instruction at Bumble & Bumble University in New York. She also spends time behind the camera photographing models and helping promote the work of other P!ay stylists. Brig has been featured in Life & Style Magazine, and her work has been seen in Modern Salon, American Salon Magazine, and on the television series What Not to Wear.
My value-added version:
Owner of P!#%ay Hair Lounge, Brig has worked in the beauty industry for 13 years AND IS OUT OF HER GODDAMN MIND. After moving salons six times BECAUSE SHE SCARED HER CUSTOMERS' SMALL CHILDREN and growing frustrated with traditional PUNCTUATION that seemed to leave the stylists LEGALLY BLIND and the clients FRIGHTENED, Brig decided to change the mold INTO PENICILLIN. She is known for BEING BATSHIT INSANE, providing BIZARRE opinions and helping her clients recreate a professional CYNDI-LAUPER-IMPERSONATOR hairstyle at home. Brig stays current by attending monthly CULT MEETINGS, including instruction at THE OFF-BROADWAY SHOW AWESOME '80s PROM in New York. She also spends time behind the camera SMOKING CRACK and helping promote the work of other P!#%@^&ay stylists. Brig has been ASKED "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NAME IS 'BRIG' ANYWAY?", and her work has been seen in Modern Salon, American Salon Magazine, and HER WARDROBE HAS BEEN FEATURED on the television series What Not to Wear.
JANINEOriginal bio:
When she's not circling the globe running from photo shoot to fashion show, Janine can be found giving her clients their "mane" fix at her Hollywood salon, Hairroin. She has been experimenting with hair design and technique since the age of 14 and enrolled in cosmetology school soon after graduating high school. Within her first five years, Janine had styled some of Hollywood's hottest stars including Fergie, Britney Spears, Scarlett Johansson and Christina Applegate. She served as the go-to stylist for Carmen Electra and the sexy burlesque group The Pussycat Dolls, whom she styled through their transition from vaudeville act to MTV video vixens. From 2000 to 2007, Janine worked alongside her two mentors at Sexy Hair products, assisting in the development and launching of new product lines, as well as in the role of elite platform and international educator. In 2009, Janine joined the Sebastian Professional Design Team and now represents the brand on the West Coast.
My value-added version:
When she's not circling the globe running from STREET CORNER TO STRIPPER POLE, Janine can be found giving her clients HEAD at her Hollywood salon, HAIRROIN [NOTE: I did not have to change that part]. She has been experimenting with DRUGS and SEXUAL technique since the age of 14 and enrolled in cosmetology school soon after FLUNKING OUT OF high school AND APPLYING FOR A JOB AT HOOTERS. Within her first five years, Janine had HERPES, JUST LIKE some of Hollywood's hottest stars including Fergie, Britney Spears, Scarlett Johansson and Christina Applegate. She served as the go-to stylist for CARMEN ELECTRA [I didn't have to change that part either] and the sexy burlesque group The Pussycat Dolls, whom she styled through their transition from vaudeville act to TOTAL WHORES. From 2000 to 2007, Janine worked UNDERNEATH her two mentors at SEXY HAIR PRODUCTS [This shit just gets better and better!], assisting in the development and launching of new SEX TOY lines, as well as in the role of elite CALL GIRL and international SEX educator. In 2009, Janine joined the ADULT FILM ACTORS UNION and now IMPERSONATES TIFFANI-AMBER THEISSEN on the West Coast.
My value-added version:
When she's not circling the globe running from STREET CORNER TO STRIPPER POLE, Janine can be found giving her clients HEAD at her Hollywood salon, HAIRROIN [NOTE: I did not have to change that part]. She has been experimenting with DRUGS and SEXUAL technique since the age of 14 and enrolled in cosmetology school soon after FLUNKING OUT OF high school AND APPLYING FOR A JOB AT HOOTERS. Within her first five years, Janine had HERPES, JUST LIKE some of Hollywood's hottest stars including Fergie, Britney Spears, Scarlett Johansson and Christina Applegate. She served as the go-to stylist for CARMEN ELECTRA [I didn't have to change that part either] and the sexy burlesque group The Pussycat Dolls, whom she styled through their transition from vaudeville act to TOTAL WHORES. From 2000 to 2007, Janine worked UNDERNEATH her two mentors at SEXY HAIR PRODUCTS [This shit just gets better and better!], assisting in the development and launching of new SEX TOY lines, as well as in the role of elite CALL GIRL and international SEX educator. In 2009, Janine joined the ADULT FILM ACTORS UNION and now IMPERSONATES TIFFANI-AMBER THEISSEN on the West Coast.
APRIL
Way-too-easy version:
April began her career in the late eighties AND HAS BEEN STUCK THERE EVER SINCE.
Also, if I could be this chick...
...for just ONE DAY of my life, it would be the most fabulous day ever. *sigh*
No comments:
Post a Comment